


[ʎɹɔ oʇ ʇɟǝl sɹɐǝʇ ou] [泣き叫ぶ涙はない]

by jas0pap3r



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Historical, Blood and Gore, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Daniel is called many things in this fic so dont be too sad, Depressing, Dialogue Heavy, Everyone Has Issues, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mentioned!BaeJinyoung, Mentioned!LeeDaehwi, Mentioned!YoonJisung, Sad Ending, actually u know what, scream at me whatever
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-03 02:20:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14558751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jas0pap3r/pseuds/jas0pap3r
Summary: Euigeon curls inward, his previously outstretched hand quickly sinking back into the large pile of blankets surrounding him. “I’m sorry, hyung.”Seongwoo extends his right hand and strokes Euigeon’s head. His breathing hitches as he realizes just how dry Euigeon’s hair is. “No. I’m the one that is sorry."





	1. [Cherry Blossoms Fall On Us] [桜は私たちの上に落ちる]

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually super duper depressing omg so if you want a fluffy story or even some smut please dont read this
> 
> If you want to take up the challenge of seeing if you actually have no tears left to cry here we go!

_”Hyung….”_

_“Is the soup too warm?”_

_“No… but—”_

_“Don’t worry, I’ll get some of the salt. The lady at the Outer Courtyards around the corner gave us a little bit more than usual.”_

_“… You always know what I want, hyung.”_

_“Of course.” Seongwoo’s lips curved upwards, a clash between a derisive smirk and a bitter smile. “I have to know, my dear patient.”_

_“…Hyung, we could always run away from here—”_

_The wooden bowl in Seongwoo’s hand clatters against the bamboo floor. The soup promptly seeps through the mattress, staining the floor a light brown. “Euigeon-ah, my father could hear us!”_

_Euigeon curls inward, his previously outstretched hand quickly sinking back into the large pile of blankets surrounding him. “I’m sorry, hyung.”_

_Seongwoo extends his right hand and strokes Euigeon’s head. His breathing hitches as he realizes just how dry Euigeon’s hair is. “No. I’m the one that is sorry.”_

 

******

 

The silence was thick when a tall figure appeared behind the _shōji_. Seongwoo could hear the footsteps, and quietly he started to sing Euigeon a lullaby. When Euigeon smiled calmly at Seongwoo, Seongwoo felt his heart skip a beat.

The shōji rattled open, and Seongwoo quickly turned his head to greet the imposing figure.

“Ong Seongwoo, we need you for our meeting.”

Seongwoo hadn’t even known he’d stiffened up until Euigeon slipped away from Seongwoo’s still hand.. “Y-Yes, father.”

“Bring your… _toy_ , with you.” 

The shadow the figure cast seemed to swell inside the healing house. Seongwoo felt himself suffocate, but he still found himself uttering a noncommittal “yes, father.”

“I expect you to be at the House of Assembly by the time all the elders have arrived.” With that, the _shōji_ slammed shut.

 

“Seongwoo?” Euigeon whispered. “Seongwoo hyung, are you okay?”

Seongwoo started to weep. “Eui-Euigeon-ah…”

“Hyu—” Euigeon’s concerned rasp quickly turned into a sickening cough. “Hyung, don’t cry—”

“Euigeon!” Seongwoo’s hands quickly wrapped around Euigeon’s wrists, and for a split second Seongwoo’s heart stuttered at the close contact, at the way Euigeon didn’t resist Seongwoo’s touch. “Euigeon, we have to run away.”

Euigeon smiled quietly, his eyes revealing an ocean of sad acceptance. “Hyung… I’ve already heard about what’s happening tonight.”

Seongwoo froze, his grip around Euigeon’s wrist tightening. “No. No, they were lying, it doesn’t have to happen!”

“Hyung, everyone knows. The moment I walked into the village, this village has only ever had bad luck.”

“Euigeon, you’re not that powerful. No one could even be that powerful, to give only bad luck. Even our Goddess can only give bad luck sometimes.”

Euigeon found it in him to laugh quietly. “One moment you’re panicking about me, the next you’re making fun of me.”

“Euigeon-ah, that’s not the point! The point is, it’s not fair to blame you for that storm that happened four months ago, when you weren’t even here! It’s not fair to blame you for old age!”

“…” Euigeon leaned closer to Seongwoo, the smile on his face slipping into one of resignedness. “There’s nothing you can do.”

Seongwoo ignored the faint pang of doubt in his mind. “I have a plan, Euigeon.” Seongwoo leaned in closer, making sure Euigeon was paying attention. Euigeon didn’t back away, but his eyes shifted to Seongwoo’s face. “First, while I’m gone at the room, you have to pack up everything. As much as you can carry. Get as much food and herbs as possible.” 

Euigeon nodded, his resigned expression slowly changing into a hopeful, trembling smile. “And then?”

“And then, Euigeon-ah, I’ll come back to this room as soon as I’m done with the meeting. We can run away if we open the shōji quietly, since the elders will be roaming around in other places before coming to get you.”

Euigeon was smiling fully now, his eyes shimmering with happiness. “And then? And then what?”

“And then, Euigeon-ah, we’ll run far, far away. I’ll get more food if we run out, but as long as we stay close to the river I know we can live with the herbs on the riverbanks. And I’ll take you to that huge, old cherry blossom tree far down the river.”

Euigeon sat up abruptly, and for a split second he grimaced in pain. Then his smile was back. “Will we be in time to see the cherry blossoms?”

“Of course, Euigeon-ah! And then, and then… and then I can get a boat at the village past that tree, and then I can row us to Edo! Then I’ll sell food and medicine, and then I can get a good doctor, and then you can fully recover!”

Euigeon’s grin was so bright Seongwoo swore at that second Euigeon was a star. “I really hope that comes true.”

Seongwoo smiled happily as well. “If… if you want that to happen, you better start now!”

Euigeon’s eyes stared back at Seongwoo, and Seongwoo trembled at how sallow Euigeon’s cheeks had become. Yet, his eyes and his smile remained so bright, so hopeful.

Seongwoo turned away, his hands reluctantly parting from Euigeon’s wrists. He slowly walked over to the long, heavy sacrificial katana leaning against the wall.

As Seongwoo tightened his grip around the katana, his mind filled with fantastical images. Perhaps he could use the katana to sacrifice his father instead of Euigeon, and that would satisfy the vengeful Goddess. Perhaps he replace his father as leader of the village. Perhaps…

“Euigeon-ah…”

“I’m already packing up! Don’t worry hyung, I’ll be fast enough so that we can run away on time.”

Seongwoo smiled, ignoring the way his mind was clouded with worry. Quietly, he lifted the katana away from the wall and walked out of the healing house.

 

“You’re late.”

Seongwoo bowed his head in apology. “I am sorry, father.”

“Sit next to me.” The phrase, originally intended as a request, had become a command through Seongwoo’s father’s leadership.

Seongwoo forced himself to walk to the worn silk cushion next to his father. He promptly kneeled down, his legs entwined under his pink kimono. With a hasty hand, Seongwoo smoothed out the wrinkles on his kimono on his front before laying the katana on his lap. His left hand gripped the handle loosely, while his right lay limply on the sharp end of the blade. 

In the case of an intrusion, Seongwoo would have to be the one to protect the elders. In the case of punishment, Seongwoo would have to push his hand against the end of the blade. The latter part had been a consequence developed directly by Seongwoo’s father. 

Seongwoo sighed quietly. “From henceforth, Ong Seongwoo, son of Ong Akuma, servant of our great Goddess, calls this meeting to a start.”

As soon as the words fells from Seongwoo’s lips, the elders all started to talk at once.

“Didn’t I tell you not to accept orphans all those years ago, Ong Akuma?” Ha Sungwoon shouted accusingly. “Didn’t I tell you that no good would come from accepting those whore-sons?”

_Whore-son?_

“Look what has happened ever since that animal Euigeon entered our village! Our crops have all started dying rapidly, and the children birthed after his arrival have all died,” Bae Jinyoung rasped. “Even our tools are breaking!”

_Animal?_ Seongwoo gripped the katana tightly, not caring that his right hand now pressed painfully hard against the iron blade. 

Lee Daehwi was the last to respond. “There is only one way to stop this curse! We must sacrifice Euigeon to our Goddess.”

Seongwoo whimpered quietly in pain when blood started to stream down his right hand, seeping into the front of his kimono. Immediately, he wished he could take the noise back.

Rather than seeing it, Seongwoo felt his father’s eyes burning into the back of his neck. He gripped his hand tighter, knowing that for every moment he cut deeper into his hand, the meeting was forced to last a while longer. It was normally designed for further punishment of the temple boy. The longer they kneeled, the longer they bled for their punishment. 

Knowing this, Seongwoo gripped harder and harder, and the stream of blood became thicker. The elders’ chatter quickly became background noise to Euigeon’s clear laughter ringing in Seongwoo’s head. Seongwoo started smiling slightly—

“ENOUGH!” The strident voice could only belong to one person.

Seongwoo flung his hand away from the katana, his eyes already roving around the room, looking anywhere but his father.

A rough, calloused hand gripped Seongwoo’s chin, and Seongwoo found himself staring at his father.

His father looked him dead in the eyes. “Ong Seongwoo, I don’t recall punishing you. Or are you intentionally extending this meeting?”

Dead silence. For a moment, Euigeon’s kind smile flashed across his mind.

“I would never intentionally extend a meeting this urgent, about a village matter. I was… punishing myself.”

“Why?”

“Because… I was about to provide other alternatives to why our agriculture is failing, which would have been rude.” Seongwoo peered up from his lap. When his father’s gaze didn’t falter, Seongwoo started to babble. “Perhaps it could be because the rains haven’t come as much this—”

His father’s glare was strong enough to make Seongwoo cut yet again into his palm.

“Ong Seongwoo.” His father’s voice was deceptively light, but even the elders held their breath. “I am your father. I am your ruler. You are my property. You do not punish yourself.” Suddenly, his father slapped Seongwoo across his face. Seongwoo’s neck cracked painfully. “I PUNISH YOU!” 

As Seongwoo’s vision speckled with black dots, he trembled. His kimono grew heavier in his lap as a steady stream of scarlet flowed from his hand, onto the pink fabric of his kimono. “I—I am sorry, father.”

His father’s heavy gaze shifted off Seongwoo. “Does any elder have any alternative to provide other than rejuvenating our beloved Goddess with Euigeon’s blood?”

If there was even a single dissident, now there was none. All were too shocked at the radical statement Seongwoo’s father had just made.

_You are my property._

It stung. It was a bold statement to make, especially when village tradition dictated that those who acted in the hand of the Goddess to be the most powerful. But Seongwoo knew it to be far too real, far too true for him. 

“Good. My son, be at the sacrificial altar when tonight’s moon reaches its zenith. We shall commence then.”

Seongwoo nodded quietly, his head spinning as his hand started to throb less and less frequently. “Ong Seongwoo, son of Ong Akuma, servant of our great Goddess, henceforth adjourns this meeting.”

 

As Seongwoo quietly walked back to the healing house, he considered his fate.

A simple boy, son of the village ruler, chosen by the old priest to become his successor. Some used to call Seongwoo the Prophesied One, before his father abolished all prophesies regarding the temple. He was the sole bearer of the fox mask of the great Goddess, the only person in the village deemed worthy enough and strong enough in soul and body to hold the sacrificial katana.

Then Euigeon had stumbled in their village one day, sopping wet from the river, a broken blade buried deep into his gut.

Seongwoo had been obliged to take the boy under his wing. At first, he was bitter, angry at how freely the orphan was allowed to go around the village.

Then, with each of Euigeon’s coughs and smiles and shivers, Seongwoo fell out of hatred, aimed for pity, and fell in love. 

It could have been as simple as that.

But the broken sword in the orphan had left a permanent wound in Euigeon, a wound too deep to heal properly. And as Euigeon’s health deteriorated, the people around him started dying as well. 

Seongwoo refused to believe it was because of Euigeon. People always died all at once, and then none at all. That was how life went, and Euigeon had nothing to do with it. That was how most of his grandmother’s generation had died: all at once. 

But the whispers only grew louder, more insistent. The elders had grown powerful, and when more and more of them died with each full moon, the power trickled from them, into the waiting hands of Seongwoo’s father.

Seongwoo stopped in front of the healing house, his eyes scanning the shōji, and then his surroundings. 

If Seongwoo could pull this off… if he could really run away with Euigeon, away from this life filled with blood and a father scarier than death, he would stay true to the Goddess.

Seongwoo yanked open the shōji of the house. “Euigeon-ah, let’s—”

The place looked untouched, except for one thing.

Euigeon.

Euigeon wasn’t there, with his unruly hair framing his face. Euigeon wasn’t there. 

_Where is he?_

Perhaps he had already run away? Perhaps Euigeon had grown nervous, and he’d snuck out of the healing house and was hiding in the bushes.

But the terror invading Seongwoo’s consciousness told him otherwise.

“Oh, young love.”

Seongwoo spun around, his eyes wide with horror. An old pair of kind eyes stared back at Seongwoo. “Grandpa Samshin? What are you doing here?”

Grandpa Samshin was the village’s best storyteller. He was well known for going off on spiels and tangents on profound ideas. Seongwoo used to be captivated by the man, and Euigeon still loved Grandpa Samshin. After all, Grandpa Samshin had been the only one in the village who questioned the reality of the Goddess and luck.

Euigeon.

Grandpa Samshin hummed wistfully. “Oh, love. Love is such a complicated, messed up thing, isn’t it?”

Seongwoo frowned. “Grandpa Samshin, do you know where Euigeon is?”

“Ah, Euigeon? Just because he’s an orphan doesn’t mean you’re not any less in love with him, right? Just because he brought bad luck doesn’t mean you fell out of love, either.” He hummed again, his wise eyes squinting at Seongwoo. “I was like that once, Seongwoo. I was desperately in love, but I was too cowardly to reach out, and he was the one that ran away.”

“Grandpa Samshin—”

“Oh, call me Jisung.” The man suddenly seemed desperate to extend the conversation in any way possible, and the terror in Seongwoo grew colder.

“Grandpa Jisung… why are you telling me this?”

Jisung’s face contorted, and suddenly his sweet expression had turned into one of guilt. “Your father told me to… distract you.”

“What?” Seongwoo stumbled back, his left hand tightening around the katana’s hilt. “Distract me from what?”

“They took Euigeon already. He’d been packing food and water into a small bundle of cloth, all of which originally belong to you. He has stolen from the temple’s priest — you! The village demands that you must sacrifice him to the Goddess.”

_No._

“But—it isn’t the moon’s zenith yet! Far from it!” Seongwoo’s eyes blurred with tears, and his head started to spin.

Jisung’s expression had smoothed, and he looked completely tranquil. “The sooner the sacrifice occurs, the faster the Goddess will be satisfied.” Jisung walked up to Seongwoo, and he placed his frail hand on Seongwoo’s shoulder. “It is alright, my dear bo—”

_NO._

Seongwoo didn’t realize what he was doing until the katana was buried deep within the old man’s stomach. When the blood started to stain the man’s kimono, he yanked it out of the man, only to stab him again.

**_NO._ **

With each of Jisung’s pained whines, with each of his screams drowning in blood, Seongwoo thought of Euigeon’s kind gaze. Euigeon’s fingers, which never fumbled unless Seongwoo was too close to him.

Euigeon’s lips, which had been soft and willing and desperate inside the darkness and privacy of the healing house. Euigeon’s gasps as Seongwoo stole kiss, after kiss, after kiss, from Euigeon.

Jisung gurgled, clawing at all of the wounds in his chest. Seongwoo ran past Jisung, his heart shattering as it tried to hold onto that last piece of hope.

Perhaps Euigeon was still alive. Perhaps Euigeon would not be unconscious when Seongwoo reached him, and they could still run away. Perhaps Seongwoo could finally kill his father. 

Perhaps.

 

“You are early, Ong Seongwoo.”

Seongwoo froze at the steps of the temple. “Father.”

“Are you really so eager to kill the whore-son?”

“Don’t call him that.” Seongwoo gripped the katana harder, the gashes in his right hand leaking blood, past his fingertips and dripping onto the pale white stones below his feet. “You don’t even know who he is.”

“Do you?”

“He’s my friend,” Seongwoo spat, his anger getting the better of him. “He’s my friend, and so much more than you ever were.”

“Just because you were his caretaker, doesn’t mean you are obliged to have him as your friend.”

“And you’re an asshole for assuming that I felt obliged to him as a friend.” With that, Seongwoo started up the stairs, his mind churning for anything, anyway to run away.

“Ong Seongwoo!”

Seongwoo started jogging upwards, his katana in his hand glancing off the stone edges of the stairs.

“ONG SEONGWOO!”

Seongwoo could feel himself trying to freeze at the commanding voice, but some deep, visceral part of him forced him to spin around, to glance the katana off the stairs to his father’s clawing hands. “Akuma, I do not follow your bidding. So could you please, kindly just _fuck off?”_

His father’s eyes widened before he threw his head back to laugh. His neck flashed in invitation, and Seongwoo slashed without thought.

Ong Akuma crumpled onto the temple steps in complete silence, his face frozen in a terrible laugh, his eyes still shimmering with glee. If his head had been rolling down the temple steps along with his body, he would have seemed like an insane man. But his head rolled farther away from his body, until it landed on the very bottom with a faint crunch.

Seongwoo felt bile rise up his throat, and he vomited down the temple steps, all over his father’s beheaded body. 

 

When Seongwoo’s vision stopped spinning, he stood up, his legs shivering with fright and horror. His katana dripped, skidded scarlet lines into the marble steps. But he forced himself to go on. As he stumbled up the steps, he thought of his promise to Euigeon.

_I’ll take you to that huge, old cherry blossom tree far down the river._

Seongwoo’s foot landed on the final step, and the altar came into view.

Euigeon was blindfolded, his hands and feet bound by thick ropes. Without hesitation, Seongwoo flung the katana down between Euigeon’s wrists, then between his ankles. Then, he threw the katana to the side. It clattered noisily on the steps.

Euigeon’s smile was tremulous, but it was enough for a wild flare of hope to rise in Seongwoo’s chest. His father was dead. He was the leader and priest of the village. Now that he held all the power, he could stop everyone from touching Euigeon. They wouldn’t have to run away. If the elders were troublesome, he could run away with Euigeon after giving his responsibilities to them. There was nothing stopping him.

Then Seongwoo tugged on Euigeon’s wrist, and Euigeon screamed. He yanked his hand back.

_What?_

“Euigeon-ah,” Seongwoo whispered. “Euigeon, you have to stand up. No one’s left to hurt you. No one’s left.” Seongwoo wrapped his hands around Euigeon’s wrists. “Come on, get up.”

Euigeon’s smile was heartbreakingly large. “Did you kill your father?”

“Yes. I killed… I killed my father, he can’t hurt you anymore.

Euigeon glanced at his own wrist, and when Seongwoo looked down he startled at the sight of blood. “Don’t worry, Euigeon, that’s my own blood. I cut my palm during the meeting—”

“Both of your palms, hyung?”

“No, just my right palm—” Seongwoo froze, and he tore his hands away from Euigeon’s wrists. 

There, on Euigeon’s wrists, were two deep, scarlet cuts. Even as Seongwoo stared at the wound, the wounds wept incessantly, the blood dripping copiously out of Euigeon and onto the blood-covered altar.

Euigeon’s voice was weak but steady. “The elders cut my wrists and my ankles. They force fed me a paste that would make me unable to stop bleeding.” His face was growing paler by the moment. “Hyung… I don’t think… I don’t think—”

Seongwoo tore the hem off his own kimono, wrapped it around Euigeon’s wrists. “No, no, shut up Euigeon, you’re going to be fine!” Seongwoo’s cross voice was a thin veil for a ocean of desperation, of denial. “Euigeon, this isn’t that big of a wound. Sure, you can’t use your hands later, but I’ll feed you, I’ll carry you all the way to Edo or Xi’an in China, I’ll do anything, anything—”

“Hyung…” Euigeon’s voice was growing fainter, his already sallow cheeks now gaunt in the pale moonlight. “Hyung, even if you do everything, you can’t save me.”

“I have to! I have to, I have to save you, Euigeon! It’s my job, it’s what I’m supposed to do, it’s my responsibility!” Seongwoo was screaming now, his tears streaming down his face. The kimono cloth across Euigeon’s wrists were already soaked with blood.

Why was there so much blood?

“Hyung—”

“Euigeon-ah! Stay with me, don’t close your eyes!”

“I’m… so tired…”

Seongwoo felt his mind shattering, and unconsciously his hand searched for the abandoned katana. “No, Euigeon, no! STOP!”

“Hyung… I don’t think I can keep up with my end of the promise anymore.”

Seongwoo’s hand tightened around the familiar katana hilt. “No! Euigeon, please, no more!”

“I think… you have to see those cherry blossoms next year.” Euigeon’s smile was quiet even as Seongwoo raged. 

Seongwoo sobbed as he slashed his own wrists with the katana. Then, tearfully, he cupped Euigeon’s face and kissed him.

Euigeon’s frame tensed for a moment before slumping against Seongwoo’s kiss.

_No._

Desperately, Seongwoo searched for a hint of bitter paste in Euigeon’s mouth. Perhaps there would be enough left for Seongwoo, perhaps he could join Euigeon even as he slipped away in his embrace.

_NO._

Euigeon sighed softly into the kiss. His kind, forgiving eyes slid shut.

And then he stopped breathing.

Seongwoo broke the kiss. Euigeon hung limp in his arms, and for a moment Seongwoo thought deliriously, insanely that Euigeon had just fallen asleep awhile, that he would wake up any time now.

But Euigeon’s breath was gone.

Seongwoo wept. His wounds wept along with him, scarlet dripping down onto the puddle of blood already surrounding Euigeon.


	2. I Left Chocolate For You [私はあなたにチョコレートを残した]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1st Reincarnation
> 
> Daniel bit his lip, turned his head away from Seongwoo so that his best friend wouldn’t see Daniel’s eyes smarting slightly with tears. “Well, you should leave quickly. So that it’s easier for you to forget me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, please do remember the tags.

**_three hundred sixty-five days before d-day_ **

 

_“What do you mean, you’re leaving today?”_

_“It means…” For a moment Seongwoo hesitated. Then he continued. “My dad’s going to America, and he’s taking us along.”_

_“But you promised!”_

_“Daniel, you know how my dad gets when I don’t act happy.”_

_“…I’m… sorry, hyung.”_

_“Oh—I didn’t mean to make you cry—”_

_“It’s not your fault.” Daniel smiled bitterly. “It’s just that your dad always finds a way to pull us apart.”_

_“Yeah, he found out we’re dating.” Seongwoo wrinkled his nose. “As if I didn’t know that was unnatural, according to my all powerful dad.” His tone was jesting, but for a quick flash Seongwoo’s eyes were savagely sorrowful._

_Daniel bit his lip, turned his head away from Seongwoo so that his best friend wouldn’t see Daniel’s eyes smarting slightly with tears. “Well, you should leave quickly. So that it’s easier for you to forget me.”_

 

 

**eighty-three days until d-day**

 

_hope you like it! <3 your secret admirer_

 

“Psst! Daniel!” 

Daniel jumped at the familiar whisper. It wasn’t so much how harsh the whisper was; it was the fact that Seongwoo had breathed out more air than words directly at Daniel’s ear. “W-What is it, hyung?”

Seongwoo’s grin was sharp yet guileless. “I think I have a secret admirer!” 

Daniel turned fully to Seongwoo. “Why would you have a secret admirer?”

“Because they left me this on our front step!” Deftly, Seongwoo reached into his bag and pulled out a slightly bent chocolate bar. “I had to snatch it up quickly the moment I saw it. You know how my dad gets when he sees stuff on our front step.”

Daniel’s response was almost automatic at the familiar phrase. “Yep.” Then, almost timidly, Daniel asked, “So, d’you like it?”  
Seongwoo frowned slightly at Daniel, shifting the chocolate bar away from Daniel. “You have your jellies, I have my chocolate-bar-given-by-a-secret-admirer. Deal?”

“No! You know I can’t eat chocolate anyway.” Daniel shifted slightly in his seat. “I’m just asking. Since, y’know… your dad might not like it if you start dating whoever gave you that chocolate bar.”

“Well, even if my dad did find out about me eating chocolate instead of going on his weird diet, he doesn’t need to fret about me getting some ooh-la-la with the chocolate giver. I hate chocolate bars.”

Daniel’s smile faltered for a split second, but Seongwoo was too busy putting the chocolate bar away to notice. “Well… if you don’t mind, my little brother likes chocolate bars, so…”

Seongwoo grinned widely, his eyes sparkling with relief. “Well, that’s one less excuse to tell my parents.”

 

 

**seventy-six days until d-day**

 

_heard you don’t like chocolate bars. Hope you like chocolate balls! <3 your secret admirer_

 

When Seongwoo’s cool fingers wrapped around Daniel’s arm, it took Daniel’s entire willpower not to scream bloody murder. “Fuck, that’s cold!”

Seongwoo’s fingers flew straight away, and he jokingly made the sign of the cross. “Oh Father, forgive my best friend, Daniel, for he hath sinned—”

“Quit it.” Daniel’s basketball vest was covered in sweat, and everything in his body already hurt and he didn’t need ugly hormonal reactions on top of that. “Even if you pray to God for me, I’ve committed too many sins.”

Seongwoo nodded solemnly, his lips pressed into a thin line. 

Then he erupted into giggles.

“What’s wrong with you?” Daniel flung his hands in the air. “Am I really that funny?”

“No, it’s just… the secret admirer struck again!” Seongwoo’s eyes were mirthful. “I guess they saw you giving the Ghana bar they gave me to your brother, so they changed the chocolate brand and hoped for the best.” 

Daniel smiled as well. “What’s the brand?”

“Ferrero fucking Rocher!” Seongwoo smiled widely. “And it’s shipped in the heart box packaging, so it’s definitely not my dad trying to make fun of me like last time.”

“Do you like it, though?”

“Who doesn’t like free Ferrero Rocher?”

“I dunno, people who don’t like Ferrero Rocher, like me?”

“…I’m sorry, but this friendship is terminated.” Seongwoo swiftly turned away. 

“Never mind. I adore Ferrero Rocher to the bottom of my heart.”

“But I’m still not eating the chocolate.”

“What? Why?”

Seongwoo smiled sadly. “It’s just… the packaging is super noticeable.” Then, Seongwoo wrinkled his nose. “I _could_ possibly take each individual chocolate ball out and somehow sneak it away in the dead of the night, surpassing my father’s supernatural sense of smell, but… but they’ll melt in my hands.”

Daniel cooed at Seongwoo’s pouting expression. “Is our Ddeongwoo sad?”

Seongwoo sniffled, and Daniel felt a pang in his heart at how… _familiar_ the look was.

 

 

**fifty-one days until d-day**

 

_chocolate is literally a legal edible happy drug <3 your secret admirer_

 

Seongwoo hadn’t come to school for several weeks.

So Daniel was understandably surprised when, on his way to school, a timid “hey” whispered past his ear.

“Jesus!” A few students glanced Daniel’s way, but he couldn’t care less about their bewildered expressions. “Where were you these days?”

“At home.” Seongwoo’s smile was fragile. “I snuck one Ferrero Rocher ball home, but a bit of chocolate melted out of the wrapper and got onto my sweatshirt sleeve, so my dad figured it out and he eats it. He also—” Seongwoo broke himself off.

To any other person, Seongwoo would sound insane.

But Daniel knew Seongwoo’s father. Daniel knew the way he would flare up at any note of uncleanliness, both physical and mental. Any sentence Seongwoo said could be labeled as innuendo for something else.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“Well, I could have taken the chocolate like last time.”

Seongwoo’s laugh was exhausted but still undoubtedly Seongwoo-like.

 

**thirty-nine days until d-day**

 

_hope you feel better your secret admirer_

 

Seongwoo’s eyes were practically baggy, with his back totally slouched.

Daniel slowly approached his pale figure. “Seongwoo? You okay?”

“It hurts.” Seongwoo looked at the sky. “It hurts so much, to be here and have to see you be so sad and concerned and guilty because of me.”

Daniel froze. Had Seongwoo figured out about the chocolates he’d been sending?

“It hurts because my dad’s still here when he’s supposed to be in America. Instead, he’s still here, and he still tries to—” Seongwoo’s voice went ragged, and he coughed. “And the only legitimate comfort I have is a single Ferrero Rocher ball on my porch every morning that my dad eats instead.”

Daniel stroked Seongwoo’s back. “It’ll get better, I promise.”

Seongwoo’s skin was cooler than before, and Daniel winced at how dry Seongwoo’s skin was.

“I’ll get better if you stop worrying so much.” Seongwoo looked up at Daniel, his eyes reddened with tears. “I’ll get better if you let this go.”

Daniel embraced Seongwoo tighter, his own eyes smarting again. “I’ll never let you fall, I promise. I’ll never let him take you away.”

They both knew they were lying.

 

**twenty-three days until d-day**

 

_i don’t want you to go your secret admirer_

 

“You look better today.”

“Hmm.”

Daniel frowned at Seongwoo’s blank expression. “But you’re still being Ongcheonggie.”

Seongwoo’s smile was almost nonexistent, but it was there, teasing at the edge of his lips. “Ongcheonggie. Now that’s something I haven’t heard for years.”

Suddenly, Daniel felt a sharp ache in his head.

_i have to save you_

Daniel rubbed at his forehead, but the pain was already fading. 

Seongwoo’s face was sympathetic. “You’ve been having headaches, too?”

Daniel frowned at Seongwoo. “What do you mean, too? You’ve been having random headaches as well?”

Seongwoo smiled. “At first, they were headaches. But now…” Seongwoo looked away from Daniel. “Now, I think they’re dreams.”

 

 

**thirteen days until d-day**

 

_i’ll do anythingyour friend_

 

“Don’t go yet, hyung.”

Seongwoo’s expression was tired. “We’ve been over this. I have to go soon, no matter what I want.”

“I’ll do anything, hyung. Anything for you. We could run away. Run away from your dad.”

Seongwoo smiled mysteriously, his eyes dancing with mirth. “Once upon a time, I would have done everything and anything to save you.”

“What?”  
“It’s nothing.” Seongwoo averted his gaze. “So how're your headaches?”

Daniel frowned. “They’re… getting longer. And more frequent.” Daniel looked up at Seongwoo. “And I never know when they’re about to strike.

_we have to run away_

_i’ll take you to that huge, old cherry blossom tree far down the river_

Daniel didn’t realize he’d collapsed until he faintly heard Seongwoo’s desperate calls for help.

 

**one day until d-day**

 

_just stay a little while longeryour friend_

 

“How are you holding up?”

Daniel scoffed. “I’m perfectly fine, with the bad migraines hitting me every three hours and you avoiding me like I’m the plague.”

Seongwoo blushed. “You…. you noticed?”

“How could I not notice?” Daniel softened his tone. “Look, if you’re trying to make the fact that you’re leaving easier on me, you’re not helping.”

“So you’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m leaving?” Seongwoo smiled widely. “You’ve completely accepted it?”

“Yep.”

“What if I tell you I’m leaving tomorrow?”

Daniel froze.

 

**d-day**

 

_don’t close your eyes your lover_

 

“So it’s today?”

Seongwoo smiled helplessly. “Yeah. It’s today.”

“Do you have… anything? Anything you want to say before you leave?”

Seongwoo stared at Daniel. “Anything?”

“Anything.”

“Let me go, Daniel.” Seongwoo’s tone was pleading. “I’m leaving today. Do what you have to do.”

Daniel’s eyes blurred with tears. “No! I won’t help you go.”

Seongwoo embraced Daniel, his own tears shaking his frame. “You have to help me this time, Euigeon-ah—I mean, Daniel.”

_seongwoo, i’d do anything for you_

“You have to help me leave. Far away from my father.”

_anything_

_everything_

 

“You have to visit my grave today.”

 

_don’t close your eyes yet_

 

_I’d do anything_

_but I can only watch_

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_three hundred sixty-five nights before d-day_ **

 

_“Your friend, Ong Seongwoo has committed suicide.”_

_The words passed through Daniel’s ears. “He didn’t. He was leaving to America with his father. He would never commit suicide.”_

_“We have evidence,” the police said firmly, “that Seongwoo was physically and sexually abused by his father. He was visiting therapists for the last month he was here, but all rejected him on the grounds that they required parental consent.”_

_“He didn’t like sex, but that doesn’t mean—”_

_“His father has already fully confessed to his crimes, and his sentence has been reduced from execution by electric chair to life in prison.”_

_Daniel’s head was whirling. “But Seongwoo was always so happy. I’m his friend, but he never told me he was sad.”_

_“He has signs of badly broken bones in his body that still haven’t healed properly.”_

_“But—”_

_The police officer patted Daniel’s shoulder slowly. “Take deep breathes, kid.”_

_Daniel inhaled sharply._

_Then he screamed._

 

 

***

 

 

**three hundred sixty-five nights after d-day**

 

“Hi, Seongwoo.”

The grave was littered with cherry blossoms. The grave, being a grave, didn’t respond.

“I’m sorry I didn’t let you go earlier last year.” Daniel’s eyes welled with tears, but he quickly blinked them away. “I’m sorry your ghost had to hang out with me all year. I’m sorry I didn’t save you in time.”

“I’m so, so sorry Seongwoo.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, Comments, Bookmarks; all forms of currency I enjoy.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just... in a dark place rn in terms of fanfiction.
> 
> Kudos is always appreciated here <3


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